CONTEMPT

• Rolling eyes
• Insults / name calling
• "Whatever," "you don't know what you're talking about," "SHUT UP"
• Claiming your opinion is all that matters
• Ignoring / silent treatment
• Having an attitude that you do not care about the other person's thoughts or feelings

• Lying by making something up
• Lying by leaving things out of a story
• Making threats to control someone's behavior
• Using "guilt-trips" to get something out of someone, or keep them from doing something
• Asking questions you know the other person does not know in an attempt to make that person feel stupid
• Denying things you have done to hurt that person
• Blaming the person for things you have done
• Taking credit for things you did not do

• Using oppressive, demeaning lanugage when talking to others
• Using religion as a weapon to force your beliefs or superiority onto others
• Working to "be right" during arguments
• Using someone's weaknesses against them
• Making statements that are condescending toward others
• Self-righteousness attitudes
• Making decisions by yourself that should be shared with others
• Constantly bragging about yourself

Because how you communicate is a choice. Communication problems (such as not speaking the same language, having communication limitations such as deafness/blindness) are not typically things which lead to domestic/dating violence, but CHOICES in how you communicate are often causes.

LISTEN and CARE about someone else's thoughts, opinions, and emotions. You have REGARD for that person, and it shows through your verbal or nonverbal forms of communication with them.

• Asking questions about other's opinions, thoughts, or emotions
• Including someone in your conversation
• Compliments and expressions of appreciation
• Summarizing what the other person said, and making sure you heard correctly
• Expressing and/or showing value in the other person
• Give equal or greater importance to other's contributions
• Ask for help, advice, or feedback from others
• Be open to feedback and advice from others
• REMEMBERING details
• Active listening (eye contact, listening, checking-in, appropriate gestures of understanding)
• Laughing at the other person's jokes

• Revealing your motives behind your behavior
• Asking other's opinions before making joint decisions
• Describing your plans and thoughts
• Revealing yourself, your emotions, and potentially your vulnerabilities
• Acknowleding different perspectives from yours 
• Working toward compromise or negitation
• Voicing complaints and concerns in inclusive and supportive ways
• Incorporating someone's feedback 
• Working to give someone a sense of comfort around you
• Know what you want, and express that directly
• FILTERING negative self-talk
• Use tones of voice that show caring and interest

• Asking others about their needs, and providing assistance as needed
• Working to get to know someone as an individual, their likes/dislikes, what makes them happy, their quirks
• Sharing things you have learned without forcing that learning onto others
• Admitting when you do not know the answer
• Talking about your goals, and in a relationship working to align your goals with the other person
• Expressing trust and confidence in someone else
• Negotiating and compromising over unpleasant tasks
• Defending someone, if it is okay with the other person and they want that defense
• Encouraging personal space and goals, while maintaining your own
• Incorporating aspects of other's cultural experiences into your own
• Addressing your own self-care needs (not at other's expense)
• Being open to the evolution of a relationship/friendship with others where things may change over time between the two of you

Give an example of a conversation where you VALIDATE someone through respectful communication.

Limits on space, both emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual, mental, and relational.

One where you create limits that do not infringe on the rights/limits of others, or create a boundary that is at someone else's expense.

• Someone backing away
• Verbally stating they have a boundary
• Anger displayed after boundary violated
• Aversion
• Changing topics
• Tone of voice
• Observing responses from others
• Displays of possessions
• Excitement over a topic

• Hugging, handshaking, touching limitations
• Possessions (borrowing, using, sharing)
• Hygiene, cleanliness
• Food choices / diet
• Activities choices (what someone likes to do for fun)
• Distance when speaking
• Eye contact

• "What do you think?"
• "Can we talk about this topic?"
• "What is your background/experience in this?"
• "What are you comfortable with?"
• "Can I hug you?"
• Questions about upbringing, childhood, and family experiences
• "What do you value in life?"

• SUPPORT
• RESPECT
• LISTENING
• CARING
• VALIDATING
• CONNECTING
• SHARING
• SELF-CARE
• APPRECIATION
• ASSERTIVE
• VALUE
• MAKING TIME
• ENCOURAGNIG SPACE
• NEGOTATION
• COMPROMISE
• INCLUSIVE
• OPEN
• TRANSPARENT
• INCLUSIVE

Standing up for your beliefs, values, needs, and desires - doing so without hurting or overstepping others. There is a component of knowing what you want, and asking for it respectfully.

To understand that during difficult times, you can still choose to work through problems and be respectful to yourself and those you love. Acknowledging that bad times are a part of life and they do not define who you are, and do not have to impact the quality or health of your relationships. It is important to ask for help, and seek out healthy support during these difficult times. 

DIGNITY is a quality being worthy of value and respect, and navigating hard times with dignity means you are doing so where you maintain your value in yourself and in others.

• Learn more about this hobby to understand why they like it
• Support them in their hobby, even if you do not like it
• Validate their excitement and happiness in this activity
• Do not make it about YOU, but express value in THEM

• PHYSICAL ATTRACTION
• LIKES AND DISLIKES
• RECIPROCITY
• PROXIMITY

The ability and willingness to listen to and care about your needs, your thoughts, your opinions, your emotions.

Because if you do not take care of your needs, it is very difficult or impossible to care for those you value and love.

• Having clarity about harm can help to understand health
• You can support those you love who may be experiencing harm in their relationships
• You can work on continuing to develop healthy and respectful behaviors as you understand them better
• Educating yourself on relationship issues can help you to navigate challenges that come up in all relationships

Because you can only ultimately choose your own responses and behavior, while other peple choose their own responses and behavior. Getting upset, and choosing to focus on your partner's behavior can easily lead to control, and potentially to abuse and violence.

• Talk to others about healthy relationships
• Educate yourself on dating violence and respectful behavior
• Volunteer at organizations that work on healthy and respectful initiatives
• Connect to others in your community for respectful/healthy causes
• Learn more about your community and how you fit into it
• Listen to others in the community - their ideas, needs, and experiences